Last night I met my parents for the first time since Christmas. I managed to make my way to the pouring rain to meet them in the local bar. They had obviously been there for a while as there were a few empty glasses on the table.
My father and I made our way to the bar and whilst ignoring the Fulham fans in the corner we were keeping an eye on the football. After deciding to order two very strong ales and a half for my diminutive mother we made our way back to the table. The talk was based on the typical conversation that most parents and siblings have when they have not met for several months. The talk was around my move to Sweden, my parents possibly moving to Lincoln, Wales or Scotland and just how the family was getting on.
Soon our hunger got the better of us so we decided to head to a Chinese restaurant that I had walked past every day but had never been inside. They had an offer on “All you can eat for £14.50” but if you left any you had to pay extra. Following a large starter (twice), two courses of shredded lamb, endless amounts of squid, prawns and fish were consumed washed down with the finest Japanese lager.
As we made our way to Asda for some late night shopping we soon made our way to the taxi rank. My father then said “Do we have time for a quick short?” So of course we ended up doing vodka and sambuca shots in the pub before my parents jumped into a taxi and headed off for their trip to Rome.
As I walked home, well staggered really, I started to think about the night I had. My father and mother are now in their sixties (well my mother is next year!) and looking back on the last twenty years I do feel that time could have been a lot better spent. The nineties were not really a good time between us. I was rather a moody adolescent and they were too occupied with their own middle aged traumas to start to what relates to a normal parent/adulthood relationship.
Things only really started to improve when I moved out of the old city to London in 2001. That decade my visits to my family went from once a week to once every two/three months so I think our relationship mellowed. There were of course times where there were some dark days but as the last decade moved on the love between us just naturally grew and we found ourselves becoming a lot closer emotionally. Now I know that it sounds hard when you are not emotionally close to your parents but more often than not that is the case.
So as we begin a new decade I realise that I probably only have around two decades left to spend time with my father and mother. There will be a time when they are no longer here and the telephone calls that I am sometimes too busy to take, or the emails that I delay in writing will become cherished memories to me. Though they will be gone in person the spiritual strength that they have will always live on and that will give me the inner strength to face whatever life throws at me.
I have certainly been guilty of not seeing my family enough and as each year seems to be moving faster and faster time is something that is too precious to measure. Therefore it is nights like these that mean the most to a child. There will be many more I promise.
